just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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