I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
