id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
