i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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