my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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