Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
