saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
