I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
