It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
