I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
