The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
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