his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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