he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
