You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize