So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
