wakey wakey hands off snakey
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
