I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
