i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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