Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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