i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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