textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
