Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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