I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
