We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
