She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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