Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
