I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
