Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
