when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
my liver is dry heaving
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
