I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
