ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
