you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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