he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
