no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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