Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
