do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
