You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
