No stitches, just platelets and will power
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize