All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
