I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
