What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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