I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
