Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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