guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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