she looked like the before picture.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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