jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
