im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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