The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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