The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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