Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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